


Unconditional

by raelee514



Series: Aaron Week 2020 [3]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Mention of Cain, and liv, barely there mention of ben, mention of paddy, mentions of Annie, yep he mentions chas too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27052027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raelee514/pseuds/raelee514
Summary: Aaron writes a letter.Day 5 (16th Oct):  “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” and/or “You tricked me.”
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Series: Aaron Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970935
Comments: 4
Kudos: 66





	Unconditional

Strong arms held him and took him to the hospital.

Lips he loved gave him breath. 

No one loved him more.

Hours spent helping Liv with maths.

A rapist dead. 

~~~

_Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.._

Chas, Paddy — even Liv were loud in Aaron's head. He'd blown off Ben again, and it wasn't even about Robert. It was about Ben and their past and him seeing it and hearing it in Ben's voice and his actions. He wouldn't get past the bullying. And Aaron couldn't blame, and he wanted to protect himself too…

He spent enough time fighting the voice in his head that told him to hate himself. But he caught hell for it. For not pushing forward and finding a relationship — with a GOOD GUY. 

Whatever that meant. 

He stared at the page in front of him and read the words he wrote again. 

_Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy._

He tapped the pen on the table. He wasn't sure about this either — but he'd written Robert back after the letter he gotten during lockdown because Robert needed to know his apology was accepted…

Aaron understood. Or he understood better now. It still worried him, but he'd look at the letter. And he remembered Robert's face the last time he saw him and the promise he begged Aaron to make. 

He sighed. Maybe it would be easier to move forward if the people around him understood what he lost. None of them did, nor did they want to… 

He found another letter from Robert when he'd gotten home. His family's lectures about letting go, moving on, sometimes he thought they wouldn't be happy until he married someone else. He'd liked Ben, he had, he was fit, and he seemed a good bloke.

But the baggage was too much. 

His own too. Not that he was allowed to speak about it. 

He looked at the letter Robert sent.

_Have you met someone? No, I don't… No, I love you. Find someone who loves you, Aaron. Who'll have your back no matter what… I do, I will always love you, Aaron. I hate this but…_

_My grandmother died. Solicitor told me. She left everything to Vic — considering But she'd written me a letter — we never got to Spain. We were supposed to, remember. I wish you could have met her. She loved a lot in life. She said they were all different but all important._

_If you can find someone else important, Aaron. Do. Because you deserve it all. All the things we wanted. A family. A home. I'm sorry about Seb — I'm so sorry. I wrote Rebecca, but…_

_I am so sorry._

_Maybe I'm having a harder time letting go than I'm pretending._

_Just know. You'll always be the one, Aaron. But please. If you can do find someone else important._

Unconditional — it rang in Aaron's head. 

He looked at his own letter. 

_Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy…._

_But your not — maybe a time or two, but you… You moved past it all. You fought for yourself and for us. No one gets it, what we had, what we were, maybe Cain a bit…_

_I met someone. He was nice, fit, seemed alright. Seemed easy because he was just a guy, and it didn't have to mean much. But turned out I'd hurt him. We went to school together, and I bullied him for being gay. I even told you about him once, Ben Tucker, how I felt guilty. Yet I didn't recognize his face. Feel awful. I apologized, kind of explained what was going on without that one detail…_

_We tried. I tried. But he couldn't move past it, even though he kept saying he would. And I can't… I'm hard enough on myself, right?_

_I hate this, moving on, from you. Seems hard. Seems like everyone around me is pushing me to faster and dive headline into something with someone else. But it can't just be anyone else, can it? You're right._

_They need to be important._

_Those aren't a dime a dozen, huh?_

_I know you're not expecting a letter here, and maybe I shouldn't be writing this or saying this. But you're — the only one is going to listen, Robert. You're the only one who can make me trying to move on better…_

_Messed up that. But true._

_Just tired of them needing me over you when it's impossible. We weren't… this is circumstances, not what we want. Maybe I need to stop pretending that we broke up, that or divorce was really something we chose._

_I don't think I can move on without acknowledging._

_Maybe when another fit guy catches my eye, there won't be too much of my past rolled into it. Maybe I can figure it out without feeling you at my back? Is it weird? I want to move on, but I want to keep you…_

_But you've always put me first. And I'm not great at it. And Mum, Paddy, and Liv…. Mean well. But they don't understand, and I can't make them listen. Only if you can handle it, Robert…_

_I'm sorry about Annie. Wish we had gotten to Spain._

_Aaron._


End file.
